AmilyFay

baby #4: brought to you by marriage

As stated earlier - in August we discovered we were pregnant.  Of course we are incredibly thankful to God for His will and new creation in my body.  To be honest - in that moment of discovery - my attitude did not reflect thankfulness.  I was somewhat panic-stricken at the thought of having 4 children in 5 years - That’s 4 children, age 5 and under.  I mean - how is that even possible!?  I must admit I had a season of distress while I couldn’t understand why the Lord would choose to hand us this situation at a time that seemed so inappropriate.

Secretly and selfishly I was unsettled and arrogantly suggested to the Lord the timing was off.  I didn’t feel ready to be a mother of 4.  Financially, it seemed like the worst possible time to take on the expense of another life.  I thought James would be particularly upset to receive the news, and most of all - my altruistic [insert sarcasm] self just didn’t want to be pregnant again...right now anyway.

In spite of my uncertainty, I told Mr. Bennett the momentous news and immediately broke down into tears...actually, I believe the tears preceded my words.  In my expectation of James to be wolverine-ish in response; he was astonishingly calm and comforting.  He reassured me it was God’s timing and His provision would cover us.  He affirmed the Lord’s sovereignty in this situation and our family.  He’s just solid like that.  I, conversely, continued to sob - knowing he was right but honestly still facing the reality of it.