AmilyFay

[an account of assurance]
part IV :: control is my specialty

posted by codi bennett , Jan 21, 2011

I was in shock.  I was sure Dr. Hudson had dialed the wrong number.  I was not sick.  My body is healthy, I am healthy.  I somehow was deeply deceived into believing I was invincible.  Dr. Hudson was trying to tell me otherwise and on the inside of me, I refused to believe him.  Nonetheless, I agreed James and I would meet with him first thing in the morning.  Once off the phone I bluntly relayed to my husband the horrendous news: “Uummm, I have skin cancer.” [delicate, I know.]  Of course, he was equally as shocked, however magnificently levelheaded.

James reached for my hand and dropped his head.  He humbly directed both our attentions heavenward.  Our living room transformed into a sanctuary and we simply talked to God.  James spoke healing over me and we submitted my body to the sovereignty of our Creator.  I began to sob [which isn’t a common occurrence for me] as I confessed my immense anxiety and hidden fears.  I committed to release control of the situation and not worry about the process or outcome.  I knew this would be the hardest part for me.  Control is my specialty.  [wink]

I don't recall these prayers to emerge heroic.  Quite the opposite - I communicate this in all vulnerability.  I was perplexed and disoriented how something so vile could be in my body.  Apart from a few [tremendously] foolish years in the tanning bed, and dark chocolate addiction, I have always fostered good health.  I work-out, take vitamins, eat my greens and [I thought] was fairly aware of health related risks and how to avoid them.  Discernibly, I thus felt awkwardly challenged by this poison in my body.  In that first moment of frailty I experienced my husband rise to a level of strength on my behalf that I don't know I would have been exposed to without a situation of this nature.  It made me thankful.  I am married to a very Godly man, and during those prayers and tears my husband's trust in God was laid bare and I was honored to be his wife and the subject of his fervent prayer.


Without James' leading it's quite likely I would have responded in intense fear and anxiety.  It’s quite possible I would have spent hours, even that night, researching and Googling every possible form of cancer known to man.  [Which absolutely would have increased my anxiety].  My husband's leading directed me to fall on God and trust His omnipotence and goodness through even Cancer.


to be continued...  [click to continue]


-cjb-

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part IV :: control is my specialty"

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