AmilyFay

To truly begin at the beginning we must all locate the branch and carefully follow it back to the network in which it stems from.  As I follow this branch I start with a tree of inhibition in sight and trace it down to the broad trunk of insecurity.  As my eyes visualize beneath the soil I am astounded by the extensive root system.  This is the beginning.  I take a closer look at what is feeding these roots - and in turn this entire tree, and I’m enlightened with discouragement as I realize how much I have allowed the nourishment of this vicious vulnerability of insecurity.

With the welcoming of 2012 I was letting the Lord know this was going to be a year of me regaining territory in my confidence.  I was mentally cataloging all the ways I was going to walk in confidence and boldness.  Assertive phone calls, facing confrontation, gutsy conversations, poised communication... the list goes on.  I was bound and determined to assert myself in self-assurance to prove to you, to myself, and to God that I was an A-type personality and I had wrapped insecurity up, tied the bow tight and mailed that package to an unknown address - never to be discovered or returned to sender.

Gently as ever, I realized the Lord was cautioning me of my overzealous initiative and prompting me to rely on Him to navigate my way back to my confidence - rather than strong arm my path.  I couldn’t believe how much I had missed it.  How wrong the process would have been had I chosen to just coerce my way to confidence rather than allow the Lord to direct me and make a genuine heart change that reflected the certainty of who I was in Him.

I was filled with anticipation for 2012 and the thought of walking in a new security in who I was as daughter of the King - not just on my own ability.

For those of you that are in ARC Churches [or even if you aren’t] many of us launch each new year with a rhythm of prayer and fasting.  Although I always seek the Lord on what I need to give up each year I will say there are some years I have fasted simply because it’s beneficial habit and I’m on board with what we are doing as a church.  There are other years, such as this year that I feel uniquely compelled to examine my life and the upcoming year and prompt the Lord to assign me a fast that is specifically paralleled to the qualities He wants to mature in me.

As women it’s common for us to find our confidence [or lack thereof] in our appearance.  If we are feeling insecure or unsure I find it prevalent that i [or maybe it is just me] tend to make up [no pun intended] the difference in our appearance so we can be assured we have at least one thing ‘going for us’.  I am definitely subject to this weakness and over the years have dealt with the gamut of associated struggles and tendencies of an insecure woman, more concerned with her outward appearance than inward.  Thankfully the Lord is quick to call me back.  I am in a season of being called back... and the vehicle he’s using is our annual fast.

I’m labeling my fast a ‘glamour fast’ - I have cast aside all makeup, all makeup related tools, I have sworn off my CHI, I have abandoned my Conair blow dryer and curling iron and vowed to au-natural for these 3 weeks of the Awakening 2012 fast.  At first I was afraid and dug my heals in - not wanting familiarize anyone with the ‘less-beautiful’ me.  Now, after a week - I am absolutely L O V I N G  it!  Not only am I able to get ready in a flash, but I’m able to fuse myself with my true identity as I am - without the added “outward adornment” [1 Peter 3.3].

For more information on Fasting visit http://www.awake21.org.


In addition - I’d really love to hear what YOU’RE fasting and what you’re learning… I love learning from your experiences!

Hopefully I’ll retain access to my blog and be able to let you in on what the Lord taught me through Proverbs 9 soon...

i seriously just hacked into my own blog!

Hello Faithful Friends & Family!

I hope this letter finds you enjoying this holiday season and anticipating all God has in store for you in 2012!

You all have been so faithful to support and encourage [ca]dre as well as myself and my family.  I know that some of you have started hearing about the shift that is coming here in Arkansas, so I wanted to keep you up to date on a couple changes in Codi and my world.

Over the past few months, Codi and I have had the opportunity to get involved at one of New Life Church’s extension campus in Cabot.  The more we have spent time there, the more God has stirred our heart that the people there need a shepherd.  They need someone who will be there for them; someone to teach them Truth.  Codi and I believe God has chosen us for thsi endeavor!  As of this weekend, we have officially been announced as NLC Cabot’s new campus pastors.  It is quite an exciting time.  We do not yet know what to expect completely, but we do know God is faithful to those who are obedient.  We have taken this first step, so we trust God to continue leading us through the process.

So what does this look like in regards to the world of Cadre Acadmey?  Great question!

My new pastoring role will come alongside my role in [ca]dre.  Aaron Kruse and Katie Watts will continue overseeing the day in and day out schedule of the program.  I will still act as Director and meet with staff and leadership on a consistent basis.  Chapels, big events and workouts will be where I continue to get face time with all the students.  My heart is to see this vision flourish, and I will do all I can to make sure this happens.

For next year… We are hoping to have [ca]dre campus directors at all three campuses: Conway, Little Rock and Cabot!  As God continues to grow this vision, we know students will need more direct, focussed leading.  Having specific directors over each campus will aloow more students to be discipled by staff on a regular basis.

I thank you for your continued prayers as my family and the students make these transitions.  It is such an exciting time, and I am thankful for such a great support system!

Making the Most,

James Bennett

-cjb-

cadre academy: brought to you by risk
In September we welcomed a new class of Cadre Students; the team immediately hit the ground running with classes, ministries, events and diving into relationships.  Every year I’m amazed how quickly the students step into their new roles and each class takes on a new identity of their own.  Each year at Orientation I look across the sea of faces as the students circle their necks with the new Cadre lanyard - remembering, I too once donned that lanyard in anticipation and expectancy.  It’s a great risk stepping away from your parents umbrella and going beyond the expected norm of community college or a state school and opening yourself up to new possibilities and new people.  Shaking hands with the unknown can be quite intimidating.

baby #4: brought to you by marriage

As stated earlier - in August we discovered we were pregnant.  Of course we are incredibly thankful to God for His will and new creation in my body.  To be honest - in that moment of discovery - my attitude did not reflect thankfulness.  I was somewhat panic-stricken at the thought of having 4 children in 5 years - That’s 4 children, age 5 and under.  I mean - how is that even possible!?  I must admit I had a season of distress while I couldn’t understand why the Lord would choose to hand us this situation at a time that seemed so inappropriate.

Secretly and selfishly I was unsettled and arrogantly suggested to the Lord the timing was off.  I didn’t feel ready to be a mother of 4.  Financially, it seemed like the worst possible time to take on the expense of another life.  I thought James would be particularly upset to receive the news, and most of all - my altruistic [insert sarcasm] self just didn’t want to be pregnant again...right now anyway.

In spite of my uncertainty, I told Mr. Bennett the momentous news and immediately broke down into tears...actually, I believe the tears preceded my words.  In my expectation of James to be wolverine-ish in response; he was astonishingly calm and comforting.  He reassured me it was God’s timing and His provision would cover us.  He affirmed the Lord’s sovereignty in this situation and our family.  He’s just solid like that.  I, conversely, continued to sob - knowing he was right but honestly still facing the reality of it.  

On August 24 2011 Mr.Bennett and I celebrated 9 years of marriage.  hooray!  Of course I’m thankful for my husband - I can definitely attribute 9 successful and God-honoring years of wedded brilliance to him.  However - much more so I know it has nothing to do with him - or I, but the decision to surrender our relationship to the Holy Spirit.  I seriously cannot fathom how marriages survive without Him.  I know ours wouldn’t.  Granted I accept that not every individual has the personalities that coincide with that of James and I, nonetheless, there’s no doubt our marriage would collapse on our skillfullness alone. 

This last week we were gifted with a new book on the Holy Spirit and I’m charged up to dive into it - I’m sure it will be a great look into who the Holy Spirit is and how effective and integral He must be in order for us to live life to the full as stated in John 10:10.  I encourage you to dive into the Word and learn more about the Holy Spirit.  Pick up Robert Morris’ book and educate yourself on who He is.  And most importantly, seek Him.  The Holy Spirit is a gentleman and as such, will not be controlling or forceful.  He patiently waits on us to make the first move.  Respond in a way that demonstrates James 4:8. “Come near to God and He will come near to you.“

For a while I’ve been ‘off the map’ so to speak and with good reason.  As children, we were well taught; ‘if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.’  Hence - my stillness.  There’s a certain occurrence in a woman’s life that in my experience has the tendency to steal one’s personality and that occurrence just happened to befall this woman late this summer.

Pregnancy. [insert dramatic music]

On August 28 I discovered I was pregnant with baby number four and was able to give explanation to why I had been feeling so disconnected with myself, inexplicably nauseous and had yes, misplaced my personality.

I have good news; pregnancy doesn’t always shoplift ones disposition indefinitely - in my exposure to this creature of fallen nature it’s typically most disruptive of just the first few months - well known as the first trimester.  I have officially broken the tape of the first trimester and graduated to phase two so am confidently regaining the reigns to my presence and temperament.  And all the people said, “Amen”.

In light of my sabbatical from mass communication, updates, twitters, facebooks, blogs, extended phone conversations and held tongue (in effort to remain kind and creditable) I would like to commence an official update to apprise you of the recent happenings amongst the Bennett Tribe.  I’ve learned through my brief and inexperienced path of blogging and writing that I have a tendency to be somewhat lengthy in my discourse so I have aptly chosen to distribute this update in a series.

Stay tuned.

honorable mention:

What’s your fave parenting book?